do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
