My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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