I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
