hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize