THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
