areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
