I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
