My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Randomize