he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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