i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
