I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
