I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
