I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
