And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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