I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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