He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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