Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
where am i from again
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
