You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
