when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
