I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
