I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
