That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
