Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
