upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
