you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
