she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
