is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
