I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
