Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Randomize
