He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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