There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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