I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
