I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
