There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
