i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
