So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Randomize
