Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
