i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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