i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
