We're like a lot better than the average bears
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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