the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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