so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
