Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
