The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
