Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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