she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
