Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
