i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
