Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
