her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
