I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
