drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize