Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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