I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
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