I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
