dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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