We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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