Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
