Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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