I'll bet she douches with gravy.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
