i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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