I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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