I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
