And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
