Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
