He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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