Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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