I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
