She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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