ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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